


color

by Nerlune



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Dissociation, Fluff, M/M, Panic, Romance, its mostly fluff though, spoilers through the end of percys backstory, vax and gilmore are so gross and cute together, vax is an artist, vex/keyleth if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 20:47:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8342170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerlune/pseuds/Nerlune
Summary: Vax finds a flower and it leads him to the possibility of a happy future.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This universe ignores the whole confession between Vax and Keyleth. I love their characters and their friendship, but the romance is so totally awkward to me. I also really want there to be lady loving, so that's why there's a very small hint of Keyleth and Vex. I'm also extending the timeline between missions and everything, so that's why this is possible. Also, there is some sexual happenings toward the end, so ignore that if it's not your thing. I'm posting this not edited, so please ignore any mistakes (unless they're absolutely terrible, then please let me know).

Vax needs to get away. Every time he looks at the other people puttering around the Keep all he can imagine is the unmoving body of his sister and the fear that ran through his bones when he heard her cry out then crumble underneath Whitestone.

He throws a sheet on the mirror in his room- his pale image too close to the dead visage of his sister. A bag lies underneath his bed, always full with a pouch of gold and rations. He takes his leather chest piece off and folds it into the bag, throwing another pair of clothes in it too. 

A black silk shirt caresses his chest, the soft fabric feels almost foreign on his body, and his normal cloak hugs him tight. With his backpack over his shoulder and his hood up, Vax sneaks out without a word to anyone. Just a letter saying he’ll be back in a few days, to not worry. 

The roads schlick and squick underneath his boots. He smells the faded scents of food wafting from Emon, the markets probably just finishing for the day. The gentle cool breeze brushing against his face feels clean like something hasn’t in months. The walk is slow and long. Vax simply stares at the clouds, the gentle pattering of rain on his skin makes it easy to breath. 

The mud and grass is very brown, very dark. So when he sees a deep purple flower it catches him off guard. It sprouts tall, the stem thick with curled tendrils of verdant green leaves. At the top is a small gathering of three different dark purple rose-like buds. Vax crouches down and stares at it gently sway in the wind. 

Water droplets slide down the stem and in them he sees the reflection of purple. When he first saw the flower he thought about how Keyleth might enjoy it, but as soon as he really looks at it Gilmore exploded into his thoughts. So with a gentle hand, Vax pulls the flower from the mud. He cradles the vibrant, beautiful plant then heads into town. 

The thoughts running through his head make him blind to everything, he feels disconnected to everything around him and when Vax looks back up he is on the other side of the square from Gilmore’s Glorious Goods. The sun is just going down and it’s only then that he realizes how soaked through his clothes are and just how much he’s shivering. 

With stuttering steps, Vax slowly makes his way to the door. When he opens it, he’s hit with the warmth and spices that always fill the shop. It envelops him like a hug and for the first time in the past few hours he feels present in his own body. He stays just inside at the door, dripping cold water and mud on the floor. A moment of guilt shudders through him but when Gilmore’s voice calls out he feels inexplicably better than he has all day.

“Well, hello there! I’ll be right with you!” It’s flamboyant and boisterous as normal, but when the beaded curtain moves Vax hears a quick panicked “Vax’ildan?” 

In what seems like too long he feels the warm hands of Gilmore rest on his shoulders and the other mans voice is concerned when he speaks again.

“Vax’ildan? Are you alright?” Quiet, soft.

“I found something for you.” The only thing running through Vax’s mind is the purple flower cradled in his arms. “It reminded me of you, Gilmore.”

He uncurls a little, and holds out the flower. When he looks at Gilmore, the man holds a soft smile but his eyebrows have furrowed in concern. 

“Well, come on to the back. Let’s get you out of those soaking clothes and put that beautiful flower in a container.” Gilmore wraps an arm around Vax’s shoulder, ignoring the cold wetness of the cloak wrapped around him. Vax follows in silence, still shivering but he’s not sure if it’s coldness or emotions that are making him shake. 

The beaded curtains push lightly against his form and he finds himself feeling like a formless shape, endlessly twisting and reaching for something just out of reach. 

“Can you take off your clothes, Vax?” The words themselves seem to wrap around him and they wake him up a little but when he tries to move his arm it’s shaking too much. Vax can’t tell if the water dripping down his face is rain or tears. Moving slightly to help Gilmore pull the clothes off him is a long process. But in just a few minutes he’s naked, and Gilmore moves quickly to pull some sleeping pants on him. They’re soft, and much longer than his normal clothes. 

The spiced scent of the shop is all he smells and Gilmore himself smells like the fresh air and rain that had brought peace to him earlier today. Gilmore’s calloused hands feel like a grounding vine keeping Vax’s floating body tethered to the ground. All his touches are perfunctory and light, touching his skin only when necessary and as soon as Gilmore comes back from from wherever he’s putting Vax’s clothes it’s all he can do but collapse against the warmer man.

Vax finds himself wrapping his arms tightly around Gilmore and with no hesitation Gilmore wraps his own around Vax. With seemingly no effort, the older man picks the half-elf up and moves him into bed.

“I will be back in a few moments, dear Vax’ildan.”

Gilmore’s presence fades and the feeling of loneliness begins to fill Vax’s chest again. His limbs shake and it doesn’t take long for him to curl up in fetal position. 

The bed dips, and a large hand curls on his forearm. 

“Rest, dearest. I’ll just be in the room.” The voice is still quiet and hesitant, but when the large hand begins to pull away Vax moves and grips onto it. 

“Please stay. You’re so warm.” His own words are haltingly said, but strong in their conviction. In only a few moments he can feel Gilmore pulling him against his chest. 

The memory of Vex’s almost-death close, Vax puts his ear on Gilmore’s chest and listens to his heartbeat. Strong, constant, a little fast. Gilmore’s fingers are carding through his wet hair and it hits Vax just how much smaller he is compared to Gilmore. His shivering slowly fades and he feels the safest he has in a long time.

“Can we talk tomorrow?” Vax says.

“Absolutely, my dear. You just rest, I’ll be here when you wake.” Gilmore starts a soothing hum, and it, along with the heartbeat, eventually lulls Vax to sleep. But not before he intertwines their legs and moves as close as possible to Gilmore. With a quick movement of his head he trails a kiss on Gilmore’s collarbone before opening his eyes and looking up at the other mans face.

His hair is let loose and the bead that keeps his beard braided is missing. The moon outside is shining on Gilmore’s face and Vax has to close his eyes from the happiness that flies through his stomach. He smiles blindly, then tries to curl impossibly closer before resting his head back where he can hear Gilmore’s heartbeat and finally falls asleep. 

\------------------------

He wakes in stages. The sun shines in his face the next morning. Constant and light in its warmth. Which is something he’s grateful for because the long length of heat pressed against him is almost too hot for him to be comfortable.

The heat and pressure of another body welcomes him, warming an entirely separate part of his psyche.

Then he feels the gentle slide of fingers slowly running up and down his arm and shoulder area. They’re calloused and a little rough- working hands- but they make Vax feel soft in a way not familiar to him. 

Another hand tucks against his hip, carefully holding him like he’s something precious.  
Gilmore’s chest hair moves slightly against his forehead.

He opens his eyes and stares immediately into a window that barely has the sunlight shining through it. It must be early, and he hopes that Gilmore doesn’t feel like he has to be there. That Vax is a burden.

With slow realization Vax hears Gilmore’s voice humming quietly. Languidly, Vax rolls just a bit away then stretches. It’s a ritual he repeats every morning. Tense, relax, tense, relax, arch long and tight and listen to the just waking bones pop into place, relax. He rolls back into Gilmore’s embrace and looks up at the older man. 

Sometime in the night, Gilmore’s braided beard came undone and it’s the least put together he’s ever seen the man. A tight feeling in his chest dissipates and with a small grin he rests his chin on Gilmore’s chest. Vax is currently sequestered between the mans legs, their chests pressed together and Gilmore lazily wraps his arms over Vax’s shoulders. 

With a peaceful hum Vax rests his body weight all along the other man. They’re looking at each other, gazes soft. He feels present in a way he didn’t yesterday. The bubble around them protects Vax from all the shit from the day before.

“I’m sorry if I kept you here,” and it’s not that he really think Gilmore is opposed, but there’s a part of him that still feels hesitant in taking the time of the wonderful man underneath him.

“If you think there’s any place I’d rather be at this moment, then you must be having a nightmare, darling.” Gilmore says with a small smile.

“I just… wanted to make sure.” He feel’s Gilmore’s hand come up to his hair. “When do you open the shop?”

“In two hours. Don’t worry, darling, we’ve got time to rest.” It’s the softest Gilmore’s ever sound and the swooping feeling in his stomach is the most pleasant but also terrifying thing Vax has ever felt.

“I need to explain myself.” 

“There’s no need. Please don’t feel the need to do anything but relax. I’ll be here all day.” Gilmore interrupts. 

He wants to tell Gilmore that he’s not weak, that he was just having a bad day, that everything is actually OK. But, when he looks into the golden eyes of the older man he just wants to curl up and forget everything that happened in the past few days- weeks, even-. 

So, that’s what he does.

With as few movements as possible he curls up on his side and pulls Gilmore with him. In just a few moments, with no hesitation, Gilmore wraps around him. Chin resting on the top of Vax’s head. Arm resting in the space between the curve of Vax’s neck and the pillow. Other arm curls over Vax’s waist and settles palm open where he’d be able to feel Vax’s heartbeat. Legs following the curves and dips of the others and feet tangled in a mess- safe, safe, safe.

They lay there for a while, breath syncing up and breathing within the same space. It’s peaceful, and their near silent bubble is the purest thing that’s happened to Vax in a long time. Then-

His stomach growls into the empty room.

“Well, I guess we had better feed that beast.” Gilmore says, wry and full of humor. 

“I guess… I don’t think I ate yesterday.” The admission is met with a silence, then he feels the pressure of Gilmore’s lips on the crown of his head- his heart lurches and warmth curls his toes. 

“It’s a good thing, then, that I am a fabulous chef.” His voice is just as soft as it has been, but the boisterousness of his voice has started to enter Gilmore’s speech again. Gilmore uncurls from him, but not before another gentle kiss to his head. When he gets off the bed the warmth of his body remains and Vax moves to chase it and unfurls from the smile he sees Gilmore giving him. Unfurling his coiled body like a flower budding from the rays of the sun. 

The blanket is only at his waist and now that he’s awake and in his right mind he sees that Gilmore is only wearing pants, they’re loose and soft and they fit him well. His eyes travel up Gilmore’s legs and trace the husky frame of his chest, a trimmed patch of chest hair, an elegant neck and soft lips that he wants to kiss. Then golden eyes meet his and there’s a smouldering heat in them. Gilmore throws his customary grin at him.

“We are both certainly enjoying the view this morning, yes?” 

“Oh, absolutely.” Vax grins back and stands up with Gilmore. Once standing, he stretches and gives Gilmore a kiss on the cheek. “I- Thank you, Gilmore. Seriously.”

“For you? Anything, darling.” There’s the normal playful quality to his voice but it’s tempered by the intimacy they’ve been sharing all morning. 

For the first time, Vax looks around. It’s the same back room that he’s always seen but it’s been expanded a little bit. There’s a door he’s never noticed and it’s open slightly. He throws a smile at Gilmore who is starting to move towards a counter that, oh, that has a stove on it. 

“Your clothes are in the bathroom. I’m not sure if they’re dry. But if not, well, I have plenty of clothes you could borrow.” He quietly acknowledges Gilmore as he walks to the bathroom. 

When he gets inside, he uses the restroom and the shower looks really inviting so he peeks out of the door to ask Gilmore if he could use it but then has to stop. Gilmore is cooking for him, with messy bed head and an unbraided beard. He looks amazing, and it brings Vax such a quick rush of happiness that he’s speechless. He wants to be scared, to let fear chase him away from the amazing morning he’s had, but he’s so tired. So tired of never letting good things in his life and he knows that this thing will be the best besides his sister. He knows it will be hard, to have a relationship, because they’re both so busy, but if it leads to mornings like this, he never wants to let it go. 

Gilmore must notice him staring because he clears his throat a little, “I know I don’t look the best right now, but is it really that shocking?” His voice actually sounds a little, afraid?

“No, no. That’s not why. I’m really happy right now, um, because of you, actually. But you don’t look bad at all. Um, can I use your shower?” He’s stumbling over his words, he knows, but Vax can’t really stop. Gilmore looks over at him with a gentle, genuine smile.

“Absolutely, Vax’ildan. If you need anything just yell out the door. Everything should be in there.” The fear in his voice dissipates.

So, with a red face- because damn Vax needs to never lose hold of his tongue again- he disappears into the bathroom again and faces the shower, heart thumping and the same butterflies in his stomach fluttering around like a whirlwind. He, of course, knows what he’s feeling. Has felt it before. But, this morning with Gilmore is the first time in his life he’s felt as safe and comfortable with someone who isn’t his sister.

He slips Gilmore’s pants off and presses the knobs similar to the ones in the Keep. It’s some magic that only the richest have, and he’s not too surprised that Gilmore also has one. Lining the wall on the inside of the tub is a couple of bottles. He’s not sure what they’re for, but Vax takes them and sniffs them. They all smell amazing, but he takes the purple one and uses a little of it to wash the dirtiest places on his body. It suds up, so he assumes that he’s using it correctly. The hot water feels good, but the smell of breakfast wafting through the slightly open door sounds like an even better option, so as soon as the soap is rinsed off Vax grabs a towel and pats himself dry. Once dry he pulls his hair over his shoulder so it will drip down his front instead of his back. He slips on Gilmore’s pants because his clothes are still damp and walks out of the bathroom. 

A table sits in the middle of the room and Gilmore is just now setting plates on it, still only in pants with his hair loose and the sight of it makes a tense part of Vax relax and his heart throb harshly with warmth for a few beats. 

“I didn’t know what to use, but the purple one smelled good so I used that. I hope it’s ok.” Because when faced with the beauty that is Gilmore nobody could keep themselves smooth. Gilmore looks at him and freezes when his eyes meet Vax’s form. “And, my clothes are still wet. I figured seeing me in my pants and hugging me all night would keep this from being inappropriate.”

“Oh, absolutely Vax’ildan.” After a second, the man replies then Gilmore throws a wink at him, “Now, please, sit down and lets feed you. You’re small enough as it is.” And Vax wants to be annoyed at the joke but Gilmore’s smiling at him so softly so all he does is grin and walk to the table. He wraps his arms around Gilmore’s waist and peeks to the side of him to see the table.

“So what’s for breakfast?” Vax says.

Gilmore chuckles and with a gentle movement turns around to face Vax. Their chests rub against each other and Vax is finally himself enough to glory in the feel of skin contact. Vax has to look up to meet Gilmore’s eyes and with a breathless moment it feels like they’re going to kiss, but his stomach growls again and he grimaces because it does that awful twisting when he gets too hungry. Gilmore just chuckles and guides Vax to the chair. He can feel the chuckle with his own body and it makes him relax from his own indignation at his stomach for interrupting a moment.

The food smells delicious, and when Gilmore sits they start eating in silence. It’s comfortable though, making eye contact every once in awhile, but mostly glancing off into space. Vax thinks about his emotional state yesterday. It happens, not frequently, but every month or two he’ll slide into that state and just have to disappear until it goes away. Vax is sure he would have slipped into a whores bed last night in an attempt to feel something if he hadn’t come across the flower.

The flower that is sitting in a very thin, beautiful blue vase. It’s sitting in the window sill and the sun makes the purple glow. He’s all of a sudden thankful for that flower because the time with Gilmore brought him back to his body in a much more peaceful manner than waking in the bed of a person he didn’t know the name of. 

It doesn’t take long for him to finish the food and he looks at Gilmore who- is looking at him with a slight frown on his face. But when their eyes meet, Gilmore smiles at him.

“I hope the food was to your liking. It’s not often that I get the chance to cook for people.” A tint of fear filters through Gilmore’s voice again, and Vax doesn’t understand how Gilmore can think he’s any less than the best.

“Amazing. Definitely better than what I could do, Gil.”

“I’m glad.” He hesitates a moment before continuing, “You don’t have to explain anything you don’t want to, Vax’ildan. But, I do wish to know if you and your family are alright.”

“Barely.” Vax’s own voice is quiet and the moment before he speaks stretches a tad too long. “It- was very close.”

Gilmore stands and with a small wave of his hand, the dishes vanish. He moves to Vax and guides him to the bed once more, but Gilmore just pulls him into a sitting position next to him. His arm wraps around Vax’s and the other lightly grasps the half-elf’s face and turns it so they’re looking at each other. The golden eyes look worried when Vax’s blue eyes meet Gilmore’s. Despite the harsh emotions in the room, the two are still soft and gentle with the other. 

“I won’t ask. And you don’t have to talk. But, I am here, dearest, if you want to. You, of course, are welcome to sit back here or in the store today.” 

Vax is hit with a very sudden, very powerful wave of gratitude and happiness when Gilmore says that and says, “We’re alive and whole. And today started better than I could have hoped for.” Vax leans forward and rests his forehead on Gilmore’s. They rest there for a moment before Vax moves away and grins a little at Gilmore.

“I’m sure you have stuff to do for the store. Do you have charcoal and spare paper? And maybe, some, old clothes you don’t mind getting messy?” He’s a little embarrassed, the only person who knows about this hobby is his sister. 

“Oh?” Gilmore raises an eyebrow. “Just what are you planning on doing with my clothes that you intend to get them dirty?” He says lasciviously before winking at him. Vax grins at the innuendo and no doubt has a light blush on his cheeks. The mere mention of anything physical reminds him of just how close they are and how few clothes they’re wearing. 

“I’ll grab you some clothes, darling. I’m afraid they’ll be a bit big on you, but once your leathers are dry I’m sure you can change.” Gilmore stands after squeezing Vax’s shoulder with his hand and walks to the wardrobe. Vax stares at the older mans back, watching the muscles and bones flex and move with each movement.

Gilmore returns with simple but still fancy- for Vax- clothes and hands them over with a small smile.

“I need to get ready for the day. I’ll return with paper and charcoal once I start opening the store. Enjoy my humble abode, darling.” With that, Gilmore glides to the bathroom and shuts the door. Vax quickly strips from his pants and puts the black pants on then the loose white tunic, it’s a shirt with a low v neckline and it comes rather far down on the smaller man. But as he’s wearing them all he can smell is Gilmore. It’s like he’s being constantly hugged by the man, and for a second he feels too big for his body- too full of emotion to possibly fit in his skin.

His movements methodical, he makes the bed. Then he picks up his bag and takes out the still very wet clothes in the large pocket. It’s at that moment that Gilmore walks out of the bathroom. His hair dry and tied in the usual ponytail, beard braided and familiar golden bead holding it together. He’s wearing simple dark purple trousers and the long usual tunic of different purples and golds. 

Vax holds up the clothes from his bag. “Where would you like me to put these to dry, Gil?” 

“In the bathroom, please.” So, Vax moves to hang his clothes and when he comes back out Gilmore is standing before him with a handful of paper and a small bag of long charcoal pieces. With a happy pomp in his step he takes the papers and charcoal to the table before turning to Gilmore again.

“Thank you! With us traveling all the time there’s no privacy or time for me to indulge in childish hobbies.” He’s sure he sounds nervous, which he is.

“The arts is never a childish hobby, dear Vax’ildan.” Gilmore steps closer to him, “And I do have to say that you look simply marvelous in my clothes.” Vax unconsciously looks down at himself then grins up at Gilmore. 

“And I do have to say, dear Shaun, that I feel simply marvelous in your clothes.” His heart jumps when he says Gilmore’s first name but when he watches the older mans face light up in delight, he knows he made the right choice. He steps forward and gives Gilmore the lightest kiss on the corner of his lips. When he leans back he gives a wink before dancing out of the warm grip.

“Someone’s knocking on your door, Shaun.” He knows his voice is smug, teasing. But that’s because Gilmore is standing before him still. Eyes a little wide and a large sweet smile across his face. Lost for words. He’s proud of himself, but as he mentioned someone knocking on the door, Gilmore unfroze and gave him a wide, intimate, smile. 

“You won’t be alone all day. I’m hardly ever in the front constantly. But, regardless, you delightful tease, I must go.” So with a last smile, Gilmore disappears through the beaded curtain and he hears the door open and the voice of Sherri. He sits at the table in silence, heart beating a little too quick and stomach fluttering a little too much. His lips tingle. He combs his fingers through his hair and using some of the countless strips of leather around his wrist, braids many sections of his hair before pulling it up into a bun and out of his face. The jittery feeling in his limbs slowly dissipates while doing his hair, and now that he’s not freaking out about the mostly-kiss he gave Gilmore, he picks up the charcoal and begins to draw.

\------------------------

The hours pass quickly. 

Vax constantly pulls his hair down and does it in different ways. The jittery feeling in his limbs only tempered so much by the therapeutic charcoal drawing. His hair constantly falls out of the light tie of his leather bands. He’s currently braiding his hair around the crown of his head, staring intensely at the three drawings he’s done. 

The first depicts an old memory of his. Vex is sitting next to Trinket, both much younger and smaller than they are now. A lake in the forest sits in front of them, sunlight glinting off the smooth glass reflection. They’re sitting in a bed of flowers and Vex is braiding some blue flowers together in a crown that she sets on Trinket with a laughing face. A crown sits on her head, too. Another one rests next to her seat. He remembers this day because it was only a week after Vex had showed up with Trinket. Vex’ahlia had spent that week with a perpetual frown on her face and this afternoon was special because she had finally started to smile and laugh again. Just after this moment, both of them had noticed him and he joined them with a crown getting thrown on him with his twins giggles bouncing around the clearing. 

The second is not nearly as good. It’s an image of Lord Briarwood arching towards something with glistening fangs. It depicted the side glance he had gotten when the Lord had bitten him just a week ago. The clinking and slicing of glass against his skin is a phantom feeling that chases his finally still limbs into a shivering shaking mess. He has to take his hair down and re-do it three different times before he’s still enough to continue. 

The third is actually a drawing of Gilmore. It’s from yesterday. His memory tends to be fuzzy when he has episodes like yesterday, but when thinking in the quiet of the back room this image popped into his mind. It’s perspective faces the back of the shop from the front door. Gilmore is standing in the beaded curtain arms up in their usual flamboyant, confident pose. His whole pose oozes with the usual confidence that he has when facing customers. His very lines in the image suggest power and strength but the softness around the face depicts a kindness. His face is set into a worried and caring visage, though. And when Vax looks at the picture and thinks of the memory, a warmth settles into the almost constant cold ache of his bones. 

He puts his left hand on his forehead and stretches the right out from the cramps that come from drawing for an extended period of time. 

The beaded curtains tinkle in the background and with a peaceful smile, Vax stays in his seated position, letting his back show to Gilmore. The familiar footsteps echo in the room and when he feels a hand rest on his shoulder he looks up.

“How’s the shop going? Any customers with the balls to haggle with you?” Vax says with a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Other than your charming twin? Absolutely not, dear.” And Shaun’s voice is fond and a little exasperated.

“I don’t think she has ever paid full price for anything since she’s learned to speak, to be honest.”

“Of that I have no doubt, Vax’ildan.” The hand slides to Vax’s right shoulder and Shaun’s other hand rests on his left. “Now, do you mind if I stare at these beauties on the table?” His voice is genuine in it’s surprised pleasure.

“As long as you don’t judge me too harshly, Shaun.” The hands on his shoulder grip him tighter for a second and then he feels Shaun lean over besides his head. Vax sees Shaun’s neck and profile from the corner of his eye and he turns his head to press a kiss on Shaun’s cheek. There’s a thrill of excitement that he’s allowed to kiss Shaun like this.

There’s silence for a minute or two as Shaun stares at the drawings and Vax rests his head against the body next to him. 

“These are stunning, Vax’ildan. Truly.” Shaun’s voice is soft but still follows his usual patterns of confident speech. “Although I do not know who the man is in this one,” and he points at the image of Lord Briarwood. “He looks rather terrifying.”

“He was.” Vax swallows harshly for a second. “Lord Briarwood was a vampire. I was caught spying on him and his wife and wasn’t able to talk my way out of it.” Vax tilts his head to the side and pushes Shaun’s fingers up to the still raised and dark scars of the bite. “They took me to a church of Sarenrae afterwards, and I’m definitely okay. But, you’re right. He was rather terrifying.” 

Shaun’s fingers slowly rub over the scars as he continues to look at the pictures.

“Is this really how you see me? I’m flattered, darling.” Shaun’s hands slide down his chest and Vax is now getting hugged from behind. Lips drag from the crown of his head and down to Vax’s neck, lips caressing the scars from Lord Briarwood. Leaving gentle kisses that send little shockwaves of pleasure down his spine. Shaun’s hands rubs little circles down Vax’s abdomen, but they stop before going too much farther. Vax is breathing roughly, and when Shaun pulls away a small whine escapes Vax’s throat. Shaun clears his throat and pulls his arms away from Vax.

“I was thinking about going to get lunch. It’s been quite a long time since breakfast and I’m not so hardy as you to not eat all day.” Shaun’s voice is deeper than normal and when Vax turns to look at him his eyes are like molten gold.

“Let me put some armor on. I don’t feel… safe enough in the city to traverse without some kind of protection.” Vax stands and gently brushes past Shaun to the bathroom. Shaun, who stands there staring at the images still laying on the table.

Once in the bathroom, Vax looks in the mirror and feels an uncomfortable shame hit him when he sees how his face is covered in smears of charcoal. His hands are almost entirely coated in the black dust. He quickly rubs the charcoal off his face and hands- which only mostly come off. There’s still shades of charcoal on his fingers but it’s much better than it was before. He grabs his leather pants and slips them on, but he leaves Gilmore’s shirt on. His boots get slipped on next and he hides his daggers in his boots and ties the sheath for one of them underneath his shirt. 

He opens the door and walks out while tying his hair up in a high ponytail. He watches as Shaun waves his hands over the drawings and an arcane flash covers the papers. Vax quickly grabs the pouch of gold from his bag and slips it into the hidden pocket in his pants. He then walks up to Shaun and questions the man.

“What was that?”

“It will keep the charcoal from dissipating.” Shaun turns to look at him and his eyes rake Vax’s body with appreciation. “Well, you still make quite a sight in my clothes.” Shaun winks at him then holds his arm out for Vax.

With a small smile, Vax slips his own arm into Shaun's and lets the other man lead them out of the back of the room. The beaded curtains jingle behind them and with a simple wave to Sherri, they walk out the door.

The walk down the streets is filled with small talk, their arms constantly entwined. It takes a good twenty minutes of slow meandering before Shaun pulls Vax into an alley. He’s a little suspicious until Shaun pushes open a door and they enter a cozy space filled with small round tables covered in blue cloth. 

“Ah, Gilmore! What a pleasure to see you, it has been so long since you’ve graced us with your presence.” A happy voice calls out from the desk that’s directly to the left of the door. The few people inside spare a quick glance before continuing their own meal. The man from behind the desk comes forward and gives a confident bow and leads them to a table towards the back of the room. 

They sit at the table and Vax is a little uncomfortable in the semi-fancy area of the restaurant. But with the presence of Shaun, he finds himself ignoring the self-consciousness that comes from being in a place he doesn’t really belong. 

“So will you be drawing for the rest of the day?” Shaun’s hand rests over his on the table and his fingers are gently rubbing against the back of his hand. 

“I want to go check on my sister. But, I was hoping I could come back?” He keeps his voice pitched low, “Staying with you has been more peaceful than any place in the Keep. And that is… exactly what I want after the past few weeks.” 

There’s silence for a few moments then Shaun speaks,

“I have absolutely no problem with that, Vax’ildan.” His voice becomes a little less confident, “Waking with you in my arms this morning was like a dream coming true, if I’m to be honest.” 

Vax flips his hand around to grab Shaun’s hand and looks up into his eyes. 

“You are not the only one who thinks that, Gil.” They share a quiet moment full with the tension of newly discovered happiness and giddiness. 

Then, their food is set on the table. They eat in silence, letting their hands brush every once in awhile and smiling at the other with giddy small smiles. They finish and before Shaun can reach for his purse, Vax puts the amount on the table.

“Please let me.” 

“This was supposed to be my treat for you, Vax’ildan.”

“Well you were too slow, Gilmore.” With that he stood up and the two of them make their goodbyes to the clerk and walk back to Shaun’s shop. Hands entwined and swinging lightly between them. The amount of casual affection shared between them is alien to Vax. A childhood filled with only the hugs from his twin and the harsh affections of enemies. The warmth that fills his body is also a new sensation that he doesn’t want to let go of. 

They reach the store and move to the back. Vax quickly grabs his cloak from the restroom and swings it up around him. He stalks out and sees Gilmore gathering up some bottles from a cabinet, he looks up from his bent over position. 

“Ah, heading out?” 

“Yeah. I’ll be back later.” He starts to head out, but hesitates then walks back over to Shaun who has now stood up. He leans up a little bit and gives a very chaste, brief kiss to Shaun before walking away. 

He sneaks towards the Keep. And with no trouble manages to avoid the notice of everyone. When he gets into the courtyard, he sees Keyleth and his sister sitting in a soggy bed of flowers. Trinket is laying behind them and the two women are resting against the large berth of the bear. They’re laughing and the warmth in his sisters voice reaches him even from the top of the wall. 

He stays there until they go inside. They spent the three hours talking and the last bit of it is filled with the two of them braiding intricate flower crowns. They gift theirs to the other and then work together to make another for Trinket. His heart calms as he watches his alive sister. 

He sneaks away and makes his way back to Gilmore’s shop. But, he takes the long way back so he can think.

His state of mind yesterday was terrible. The shakiness that fills his limbs scares him whenever it happens, and he normally hides those moments by sneaking to a whores bed. Finding his ways to Shaun’s was a blessing, but he can’t help but be afraid at how quickly he felt safe in Shaun’s presence. Like too much of a good thing is bound to disappear and leave him empty and cold again. 

His own view of the world is always negative, and Vax has always had good reason to believe in the worst of people. He’s hesitant for his state of mind from yesterday somehow influencing the way he’s feeling for Shaun now. 

He finds a large tree just outside the city and crawls to the branches and sits. He makes himself comfortable and lets his mind wander on all the interactions he’s had with Shaun since he met him. 

The very first time is still vibrant in his memories. He remembered being rather intrigued by the loud and colorful man. Each meeting after that initial attraction showed him something different about the man that he liked. The dancing of their flirtation was always fun, and whenever he got a genuine compliment from Shaun there was a warmth that would flow through his limbs. 

Gilmore won the affections of everyone in Vox Machina, and Vax did begin to trust the man. He still trusts him- but does he really like him? Emotions aren’t always the easiest thing for Vax, but he can tell when he has a crush. And he does, he knows that he’s very interested in Shaun.

But is it worth it?

Vox Machina is always off doing missions and almost dying. Could he really put Shaun through that? Could he handle being far from the man who makes him feel precious and happy in ways that his sister cant? 

His mind flashes to the bubble of peace that had surrounded them in the morning. The glowing golden eyes flashing in the early sunlight, staring at him content and warm. 

He thinks of the times he’s been close to death in the past few weeks.

Shaun’s calloused hands gently stripping him and dressing him in warm clothes, softly guiding him to the comfortable bed. 

Rough hands grabbing his neck then hair to pull his head to the side for a bite.

Soft lips trailing light loving kisses down and on the scars littering his neck. 

_Waking with you in my arms this morning was like a dream coming true._

Does he really deserve the happiness that is guaranteed if he lets this thing with Shaun continue? 

He remembers the happiness radiating from Shaun when he watched him making breakfast for him in the morning. The almost fear that threaded his voice when talking about Vax possibly disliking anything about him.

_Waking with you in my arms this morning was like a dream coming true._

The words run through his mind again and with a determined face, he jumps off the tree and makes his way to the store. It doesn’t take long, and by the time he gets there it’s getting close to dusk- having sat in the tree for a few hours with his mind circling and circling. 

Gilmore’s Glorious Goods is empty when he walks in and starts towards the back, Shaun pulls the curtains back with his mouth open to say his customary greetings. When he sees him though, his face turns into a softer smile. 

“Ahh, Vax’ildan! I’m glad you made your way back.” 

“Me too, Shaun.”

“I actually have an evening planned.” Happy, hidden hesitance.

“Oh? I feel so special.” And he already feels lighter speaking to Shaun. And he knows that this is something he wants to fight for. 

“Just give me some time to close the shop. Feel free to sit in the back or up here.” And with that, Vax grins and hops onto the empty counter by the beaded curtain and watches Shaun close the shop. He loves watching Shaun work, every movement of his hand followed by a brief flash of arcane magic up his fingers leaves a certain aura to the room that thrills him. 

In just ten minutes, Shaun stops at the door and his magic crawls up his arms and into his eyes, all glowing with arcane energy then it melts off him to seal the outlines of the door. 

He turns to Vax with a grin.

“Come come, darling. Let’s get this night on a roll.” Shaun leads the way through the beaded curtains and with a little hop Vax follows. When he steps through he sees a picnic basket on the table. His stomach flutters because picnics have always been a romantic thing that he’s only ever witnessed.

“Now, since it’s been so dreary outside, I have another location for us to go to. I found this fabulous meadow on my travels, and it’s very well hidden and the day there is beautiful today.” His voice does have the tiniest tremble of the fear of being rejected.

“I can’t wait, Shaun.” And he does need to talk with Shaun, about important things, but he has hope that they will be able to make it through the hardships and be happy.  
He grabs the basket and then Shauns arm. Gilmore traces some shapes in the air and murmurs a chant that he’s heard come from Tiberius before. Within a few moments the circle opens up and they walk through it. 

The sun is bright and high in the sky. The meadow they’re in is full of vibrant green and plush grass. It’s interspersed with red and pink flowers and Shaun, with a wave of his hand, pops a blanket into existence and he gracefully collapses onto it. The breeze brings floral scents mingled with the smell of different kinds of trees. It pushes his ponytail off his neck and he watches as it blows Shaun’s goatee. 

There’s silence between them as Shaun sets up the meal. Vax absentmindedly eats what Shaun puts in front of him before speaking.

“This is going to be hard, Shaun.” His voice is serious, eyes lowered because he wants to enjoy this amazing romantic moment, but he needs to make sure. “I don’t lead a safe life, and I’m not in town all the time.”

“Vax’ildan.” A finger raises his chin so he’s looking at Gilmore. “I am fully aware, darling.”

“I have no doubt, but I’m scared.” His voice crack a little and he swallows heavily for a second, “This, between us, makes me so happy. But I don’t want to ruin anything between us by being too busy for us to make this work.”

“You know, in my experience, relationships have plenty of compromise and hardship. I’m not the type of man to hopelessly wait at the door for you to return.” Shaun’s voice is kind, but firm. “I have fully considered the hardships we would face in a relationship, trust me in that I have spent some time thinking about us.”

“I know you probably have. But, I just.” He pauses for a second. “I haven’t had many good things in my life and I don’t want to ruin this.” He bites his lip, harsh and unfriendly. “I’m not even sure I deserve to be this happy with you.” Shaun uses his thumb to rub Vax’s lower lip, soothing the dark red mark from the bite.

“You won’t ruin this. Do you want this, do you want” Shaun pauses for a second. “Me?”

“Yes, Shaun. I absolutely do.” His own voice is earnest and genuine.

“And I don’t know why you believe you don’t deserve to be happy. But that is something we can work on.” Shaun’s hand moves down to the side of Vax’s neck with the bite scars. “I want this, and I want you, Vax. Everything that is working against us can be worked with.”

“But how will we talk, we won’t have time!” And this is when Vax realizes just what his problem is. The emotions he’s feeling now are definitely interested and infatuated. Just the past day was enough to push them closer to a very deep emotion that he doesn’t quite want to touch yet. But Shaun is a human, and even though he’s half human, he’ll live longer. Does he want to explore this only to possibly lose Shaun before he’s ready?

“Darling, Vax’ildan.” Shaun’s fingers are gently trailing down Vax’s neck. “Of course this is worth exploring. The time we spend together is worth it.”

“I really want to, Shaun. But so much could go wrong.” And it’s at this point that Vax finally looks Shaun in the eyes. The golden eyes staring into him are warm, and gentle.

“Was this morning good for you? Did it make you happy?” 

“Yes.” It came with no hesitation, almost ripped out of his throat by the brutal honesty of it.

“Then whatever this is will be worth it.” Shaun moves forward and rests his forehead on Vax’s. “Do you trust me?”

Vax stares into the golden eyes that have never shown him any desire to harm. Frustration during Vex’s most frugal moments, but never anything harsher. His touches have always been soft, and with the memories of last night Vax knows his answer.

“Yes, absolutely.” And with that whispered confession, Vax feels a weight lift off his chest. Shaun stays where he is then slowly moves away.

“Now, then. Where were we?” His normal speech patterns emerging and a grin pointed at him, but there’s a softness that wasn’t there before. An openess. Vax smiles at Shaun and he scoots closer so he doesn’t have to speak loudly. He feels raw, almost like every movement is going to blow him away. The picnic passes slowly, and the sky above has began to turn to dusk. He’s scooted closer to Shaun throughout the evening and by the time the stars come out they’re pressed together.

“I’m sorry for panicking.” Vax is staring at the stars, still feeling too raw to look at Shaun again. “I’m not very good with emotions sometimes.”

“Darling, that why I’m here to set you straight. Well… not straight, because then we wouldn't be together” He feels a light kiss to his temple. “Now, what do you say we head back to my shop? It’s a few hours later there, and I do feel a little tired.” With that they both pack everything up and Shaun pulls the circle up again. 

When they appear in Shaun’s room, Vax hops up on the table and watches Shaun put everything away. The other man slowly steps between Vax’s legs and rests his hands on his thighs. He gently glides them up and eventually around Vax’s shoulders and into a hug.

“What do you say we get ready for bed? After that conversation I feel the need to hold you close for awhile.” Gilmore is quiet.

“Absolutely.” 

Shaun winks at him when he says that and steps to the side, arms flourishing towards the bathroom.

“You go ahead, Vax’ildan.” With a little hop, Vax gets off the table and saunters to the bathroom, feeling Gilmore’s gaze on him. He quickly brushes his hair out with his fingers and splashes his face with water. The sleeping pants he was wearing last night are hanging on a bar and he slips those on when he’s taken everything else off. His hands shake a little, not out of fear or mindlessness, but out of excitement and giddiness. He’s excited to cuddle with the man he’s having a thing with. A relationship? 

Vax opens the door and steps out. Shaun turns to look at him and smiles at him with a heated gentle glance. He steps by him and takes place in the restroom. He walks forward to the table where the drawings are still laying. Pondering the three different memories for a few minutes is when he realizes his urge to draw all three memories. He's never thought of himself as a sentimental man, but… 

He stares at them and jumps slightly when he feels calloused fingers trail up his arms up to his shoulders and rubs a little. Shaun leans closer to him and trails light kisses on Vax’s neck. Unbidden, a light moan escapes his mouth and he presses back against Shaun. They slowly make their way to the bed and when they reach it, Vax pushes Shaun onto it and crawls onto the other man.

He’s straddling Shaun at this point, and Shaun’s hands are rubbing up and down his bare back, hands slowly slipping lower and lower until they’re grasping his ass. Vax is holding himself up with one folded arm and the other hand is running through Shaun’s hair.

Shaun nips at Vax’s lips but their kisses are gentle. Their tongues are sliding against the other and soft moans escape only to be swallowed by the other. Their hips are slowly grinding, pleasurable thrills running through their spines.

Vax moves his head to the side and Shaun’s spit-slick lips bite and suck their way down his neck. It’s a slow process and he feels the dull thuds and knows there will be hickies following the path of Shaun’s mouth. The moans coming from his mouth become louder. 

He feels himself being pushed up as Shaun sits up and continues to suck and bite at his neck and starts to move down his chest. 

“I really do like these.” Shaun’s voice is deep and huskier than he’s ever heard it. “I didn’t think you would have body piercings.” His tongue traces over the golden rings in his nipples. They’re more sensitive than they were before getting pierced and as Shaun plays with them he moans out the other mans name.

“And I do so like to hear my name coming from your mouth.” Shaun starts to leave hickies again, dark against the light tan of his skin.

“Let me- aah- Shaun, let me, I want to—“ He wiggles out of Shaun’s grasp and kisses his own way down his lovers body. He mouths the clothed erection and groans at the feel of it against his lips. With quick hands he pulls the pants down and stares at the now exposed cock. It’s flushed and leaking, proudly standing straight. Vax feels a harsh twitch from his own cock as he bends down and wraps his lips around the head—no teasing to be done. A low, deep groan escapes Shaun’s mouth and his hands find their way into Vax’s hair. The sounds coming from Shaun are driving him crazy, his own cock is begging to be touched.

He messily sucks and bobs on Shaun’s cock then hallows his cheeks and slowly pops off. Vax pulls his own penis out and straddles closer to Shaun. When he looks at his face it looks utterly wrecked. Shaun’s mouth is open, lips flushed and swollen from kissing and biting. Pupils dilated so there’s only a thin band of gold around the black. As soon as Vax is close, Shaun pulls him close by the hair and eagerly starts to kiss him. Vax reaches down and wraps a hand around the two of them, but it’s not quite large enough. Gilmore’s hand joins his and they sloppily start to move and rut against each other.

It’s messy and loud in the otherwise silence of the room. He’s leaving his own marks on Shaun’s neck and their moaning begins to get louder as they get closer to climax. At this point Vax is just moaning into Shaun’s neck.

The pleasure hits a high point, the adrenaline and ecstasy culminating in a rushing tingly feeling exploding through his body. He’s coming all over their hands and just a few seconds later Shaun joins him. They breathe harshly against each other and he can hear Shaun saying his name over and over under his breath. His limbs shake as he grabs Shaun’s hand and brings it up to his mouth, licking clean the come on it and his own.

“Fuck, Vax.” And with that uncharacteristic curse, Vax slides down and licks Shaun’s stomach clean of their shared come. When he comes back Shaun eagerly kisses him, tongues dancing and teeth nipping. He feels Shaun’s hands pull their pants up and their kissing turns soft. They turn towards each other, on their sides. Legs intertwined and arms curled together while the other wraps over the others hips. Their faces are close together and grinning. Marks litter Shaun’s neck and he’s sure his neck is the same.

“You’re so amazing, Shaun.” He smiles gently at the other man and lets out a little yawn. Shaun still looks wrecked, lips swollen and hair full on sexed up.

“Darling, I think the same of you.” Shaun’s hand moves up and brushes a bit of Vax’s hair out of his face, hand trailing down to thumb gently at some of the tender marks on Vax’s neck.

“I know you’re scared, Vax. About this, and the possibilities for pain. But, I thank you for giving us a chance.” Shaun sounds utterly sincere and grateful. Vax leans forward and kisses Shaun, gently and letting his emotions shine through—hopefully, he’s not very good at this romance thing.

“For you, you glorious bastard? Anything.” Shaun chuckles and pulls Vax into his chest with a delighted grin and holds Vax to his heartbeat.

It thumps steadily, if a bit fast, in his ear and Vax lets himself relax against Shaun. The last fissure of tension and fear evaporates and the spiced, warm environment cleanses him of any doubts.

“Goodnight, darling.”

And he falls asleep to the gentle brushing of fingers through his hair.


End file.
